The beginning of the end

It’s official. I’ve known the guys here for 7 weeks. But that’s really not an accurate measure, because when you factor in about 8 hours of class plus three meals, plus whatever free time, I’ve really known these guys for about 7 dog years. And I tell you what…with three weeks left, I am already starting to dread having to say goodbye to a few of them. A few others could get socked in the teeth and I wouldn’t miss the sounds of their voices, but that can be a story for another day (and yes, the Army is making me much more aggressive…just what I needed).

Interesting week here full of 14, 15, 16 hour days during which there were long periods of time where the Army E-6 (enlisted soldier who has been in the military for about 4 years) told a group of 60 of us to sit and wait…and wait…and wait. And two hours later, all of us were still sitting, waiting, and not asking questions. That’s when you know the Army has gotten the best of you…when you take orders from a junior enlisted soldier because you’re just too tired to come up with an independent thought.

Tough leadership week, too. Like I said, the Army is making me much more aggressive (something about walking around with two guns strapped to my body…) but it’s also forcing me to reconsider everything I know about leadership…and that is a very good thing. Now I am much more apt to get in someone’s face when they refuse to lead…like I did this week. Our team is “led” by  Major who we will henceforth refer to as The Slug. He produces nothing. He leads nothing. And my new favorite thing is to get a few inches from his face and say “If you are the leader, I expect you to lead. Period. And if you want to keep refusing, get the hell out of the way because our Airmen deserve better.”

I also watched my first family implosion. Hillbilly had a really tough day on Saturday. Here’s a quick summary…text wars between spouses are a very bad idea. In this case, it imploded into a complete misunderstanding and Hillbilly was very shook up. And he came to me asking for help. YES! I can lead. And the guys want to listen. Once the dust settled, my guy thanked me for helping.

And that’s how I measure success. When people come to me because they want my advice. And that happens here more than that has happened for me any other place. 

And to celebrate the fact that Hillbilly's marriage made it through the weekend, I took him, Juicebox and Tattoo out to the batting cages. I swear to you those softballs had faces. I had a contest with Tattoo to see who could hit the most out of 12 pitches. I won. These guys had no idea what they were in for...but I bet you did!

It's official

I'm a badass. It's actually a running joke around here, since I came here basically thinking that there was no way I was ever going to be capable of doing the types of things I've been doing lately.

So here I am on the left hand side with my M4 slung cross my shoulder and my M9 attached to my right leg. I'm also wearing "full kit" in Army terms. In actual English (or as close as we're going to get in military-speak...Army terms in the parentheses)...

Helmet (Kevlar). Sunglasses ("eye pro" or "eye protection"). Bullet-proof vest (Improved Outer Tactical Vest or "IOTV"). Ear plugs ("ear pro"). Gloves (believe it or not we call those gloves and not "hand pro"). Knee pads. And I am wearing ABS-Gs...which is the Airman Battle System-Ground or the Air Force's version of a flame retardant uniform, which they only issue to people who are going out and around in Afghanistan.

Want to know the temperature today? The thermometer said almost 105. Wet bulb was closer to 120. And yes, it was freaking high noon because when the hell else would you want to be outside in the humidity in Louisiana in June in full kit?!

I tell you what, today was so freaking worth it. It was SRM day (short range marksmanship) day, which is when you fire a controlled pair (two shots) from the M4 rifle, quick switch, then fire a controlled pair from the M9 (pistol) from various positions (standing, turning, walking, running). AWESOME! And I tell you what, I showed some boys what's up today! You can't scare me with guns (anymore...)

And I tell you what else...marathon training and training other people to run is the absolute best practice in the world for going to war (to sweat your butt off). I drank 6 (yes 6) Nalgene bottles today. That's 32oz x 6 in about 4 hours. I finished feeling fine...no headache, nothing. The boys were dropping like flies. I wanted to go running.

So THERE. Take that, Mother Nature. I can kick the boys around even on the days that you want me to be as girly as possible.

The end.

Biology

It's still no secret that I studied English in school because talking and writing are what I'm good at. But every once in a while my body likes to remind me that basic biology is something I also understand. Warning, this is not usually something I would write in public, but in this case, I think it's worth mentioning, if only for sheer impact.

Another non-secret...I live my daily life with 31 boys (and yes, I picked the word boys on purpose because that's truly how many of them either act or that's their true calendar age, which is terrifying). But about once a month, the ever generous Mother Nature reminds me that I am indeed female (in case the boys didn't do a good enough job of that every day). But the damn coolest thing about this monthly reminder of my femininity is that it always comes at a time when I am either doing something completely badass or when I am otherwise showing up the boys.

Today's example...we're doing short range marksmanship. I have an M4 slung over one shoulder and an M9 strapped to my right leg. I'm either running, turning, or advancing (walking forward). On the command of "ready" I have to spot my target by looking directly at it with my eyes and on "Fire" I pull the weapon to my eye, switch from "safe" to "fire," shoot twice, switch back to "safe" drop the weapon back to a safe position, and keep moving. Then when they yell "switch" I have to push the M4 toward my back, reach to my right leg, pull out the M9 pistol, and do the same thing...all without missing a beat.

So, Mother Nature, if you ever want to throw me another curve ball while I'm at this place, be my freaking guest. But please do me a favor and continue to do it when I'm doing total badass stuff. Tomorrow we go to the range and do all of the above with live ammunition. Yes, I will make sure someone takes a picture of me. And yes, I will continue to show the boys that I am just as capable as they are. Heck, I'm probably more capable since I happen to know how to listen and take advice.

Did I mention that this place can be absolutely awesome? It can be. Even on tough days. Or wait, was that especially on tough days?! (Like tomorrow...where we're doing run, jump, shoot in full gear at noon in 100_ degree heat. Sa-weeet!)

Equipment I needed in training

I'm back in class. I won't lie...it sucks. I was fine with being here until I realized that people have adult conversations outside of this place. I'm with lots and lots of very immature guys. Body function jokes, sex jokes, and "that's what she said" jokes dominate the conversation here. Needless to say these are far from my favorite discussion topics, so I often try to steer the conversation into other directions...making me Chief Counselor here. I can tell you the souse names, kid names, what's going on at home, and all kinds of other details about almost all of my guys here. And I'm perfectly good with playing that role. But what I miss is someone asking me how my husband is or how I am doing. Peers do that. I don't have peers here.

What I do have are some freaking amazing Airmen who want to teach me some killer tricks. So before we head out on deployments like this, the Air Force gives us lists of stuff to pack. They give us weird lists that don't include the real items you would need at a place like this. I thought you'd get a kick out of hearing about some of the funny survival techniques I've learned here:

-- Oakley actually has a website for military members where we can get amazing sunglasses for about 50% off. It's important to have good sunglasses (I am going to the desert) and the ones the AF issued me are garbage. So I went to www.usstandardissue.com, registered for an account, and bought one pair of regular sunglasses and one pair of ballistic glasses. (I'm claiming reimbursement for both when I get back from the deployment)

-- I will spend 6 months with an M9 and an M4 strapped to my body. I went to www.blackhawk.com and with one of the guys watching over me, I ordered an M9 holster that mounts my weapon directly to my protective vest.

-- Funny thing about that protective vest...it's heavy (okay, mine isn't, since it's a size extra small) and it's made of molle, which means you weave things into it like you weave a basket, basically. D-rings and caribeaners like you'd use for rock climbing are perfect to attach things to that vest (gloves, water bottles, etc). I can only use military colors (sad!) but wow, that was a great trick.

-- Speaking of things to fasten to that vest, a small flashlight would be perfect (I'm still working on that, and I'm almost there), and a few Sharpie markers.

-- Then there's the water bottle. I can't drink from a Camelbak - I think it's too disgusting. Apparently so do a huge majority of the people here. I brought actual Nalgene water bottles. Much more manageable. Tastes better. Easier to clean. Big difference.

-- Wait until you see a picture of my new bed! I'd take one now, but my room is a wreck. I bought sheets from the kiddie section in Target. They are awesome!

-- Crocs. Wear Crocs. Don't bring disgusting flip flop shower shoes. Crocs protect your feet better and are easier to clean. I'm still working on that, too!

-- Some type of music player. I tell you that, after watching oodles and oodles of Grey's Anatomy, I think Christina and Meredith had it right...on the very worst days, you just have to dance it out. Music is very helpful in that regard. And many others.

--- And while we're talking electronics, bring the biggest volume (empty) portable hard drive you can find. Once you get here people will load you up with movies, tv shows and music to help pass the time (and keep you sane).

There are all kinds of tricks. But my favorite trick so far goes right along with the best piece of advice given to me by Rangerboy before he left..."Stop trying to prove yourself and just BE yourself." Find the thing that makes you happy and keeps you sane (for me...coffee dates with my cell phone) and keep doing that the entire time you're out of your normal environment. As long as I know that Sundays are long run then coffee, I can stomach just about anything during the week. Almost :-)

Memorial Day

I tell you what...Memorial Day takes on a whole new meaning when you know people who have been killed in combat. Or people who have been significantly impacted by combat experiences. Or people who have earned Purple Hearts (which they affectionately call "Enemy Marksmanship Awards") in combat. Or honestly, Memorial Day feels a lot different just knowing that I am training to go to combat.

Rob and I got to meet up this weekend. He likes to remind me that he flew 4,700 miles to see me. I can't really argue with that logic. He flew in from Germany since I had a four day weekend. He's headed to New York to see his family this week, then he has training in Florida the week following as he gets ready for his deployment this summer.

Seeing him again was interesting...and I think he and I can agree that I am a very different person now than the one who left Germany about 6 weeks ago. I'm much less stressed out (funny to think about, since I'm learning combat skills and I'm about to go to war...yet I find this less stressful than my day job). I can sleep through the nights right now for the first time in years. And I talk. A lot. (I also shop a lot, so maybe I haven't changed as much as I claim to!)

We went to see our friends Scott and Amanda get married in Senatobia, Mississippi, when while we were already in the deep south we decided to hit Memphis and Graceland (totally fun, but Memphis is not our city!)  We're now on the airplane (I'm on airplane wifi) on our way back to Atlanta where we'll say goodbye again.

I probably won't see him for another 7 months or so (worst case scenario). But we're going to be just fine. And leaving this time is far less terrible than leaving from Germany. This time I know he'll be in Afghanistan with me. I know that I'm going back to training where I'll keep learning from some incredible people. And I know that there are a million amazing adventures ahead for both of us.

Plus we're already planning our reunion trip...an Around the World trip in February or March of 2012. We're still working out the details, and we have nothing but time to cook up the best trip of all time! I love having something to look forward to!

Throwing deuces

Here’s today’s news flash. I am brutally honest, probably to a fault. It’s been a really tough few weeks in training, mostly because the things we’ve been doing for the past two weeks are hitting really close to home. And for all of the questions I have about what it’s really like “in country” (time for you to get used to that…it means “in Afghanistan”), there are a dozen or so guys who have been there and done that to help fill in the blanks.

This entire week was weapons week. I’ve been practicing my ability to walk around with an M9 pistol and an M4 rifle strapped to my body. I’ve also been practicing my ability to hit a target at ranges between 5 and 300 meters when said target pops up on me unexpectedly both during the day and at night while wearing night vision goggles. I tell you what, the Army knows a thing or two about training for combat. And for a girl who started the week very uncomfortable with a rifle, I now feel confident that I can kick the crap out of the bad guys if I had to.

Rangerboy left this week. That was a sadder moment than I had anticipated. I guess I didn’t realize just how awesome it was to have such a great peer mentor sitting next to me in class. This week he was pseudo replaced by Juicebox, who is a 24 year old badass from California. I would take that guy anywhere, anytime with me.  More about him another day. Rangerboy is getting settled in Iraq for now.

Back to the deuces. We’re coming clean today. Want to know what I’m really doing in Afghanistan? Yes, I am mentoring the Afghan National Army on women’s leadership issues. I’m also leading convoys. Practically every day. A huge majority of my life will be spent “outside the wire” (which means not on the military installation, but rather out in the country of Afghanistan). There really aren’t people in my career field who have led convoys. Certainly not female majors. So while you might be reading this with your jaw on the floor, I assure you that I am going into this new job with the same open mind with which I approach everything else in my Air Force life…find someone who has already done this, pick their brain, then build the best team you’ve ever seen once I get there. Oh, and be safe.

So the picture you see here was taken the first day I was ever a truck commander. We’re in an up-armored HMMWV (in country I’ll be in an MATV, which is even safer). There are four of us in the truck – the driver (Texas), the dismount (Hillbilly), the gunner (Juicebox), and me…the commander. I’m in charge of all things communication. That means if we end up in a bad situation, I am the one calling over the radio for help. I was “throwing deuces” (saying goodbye) because we were headed out on the road (we call that “rolling.”)

I still have so much to learn…and a few more weeks in Louisiana where I can keep learning from some of my favorite Airmen in the world!

It's no secret

It's no secret that this was a really tough week in a lot of ways. In fact, I can't remember feeling this mentally drained in a very long time...but at the same time, I can't remember the last time I felt like I made this much of a difference.

I have three incredible professional mentors in my life, and how they came to be is nothing short of amazing. First there is my best friend from high school who is now a Navy helicopter pilot (in California), then my former boss from Spangdahlem and career Air Force F-16 pilot (in DC), and then an Army infantry officer and Ranger who I met here a few weeks ago (headed to Iraq) and wouldn't trade for the world. My favorite thing about all of them...they just "get it." Oh, and they give incredible advice, so if I can't get through this deployment with three smart people from three different services all on my side, well, there is no hope for me.

But let's get back to talking about this week. Tough start. Tuesday was one of the toughest days I've had in the military. Too many people betting that I can't do it (because I'm a girl). Too many guys spreading awful and untrue rumors about me (grow up already), and after a while, me starting to think that everyone else was right and that I am not suppose to be here.

I had a great four hour conversation with Rangerboy one evening, and I tell you what, it was like a switch flipped in my brain. We talked about all kinds of stuff...families, leadership, things I need to think about when I head to Afghanistan, and all kinds of great ways to get smarter in the four weeks I have left here. But the best advice he gave me that night is probably the smartest thing anyone in the military has ever said to me..."Stop trying to prove yourself and just BE yourself."

Good idea. So the next day I tried that, and it worked. Perfectly. There are probably four guys here who I would take with me any time, anywhere. And like all of us, these guys are looking for leadership. They're also incredible...they just "get it." And I will do anything for people who "get it." I pulled one of them over to my "office" (a set of stairs...since there is NO privacy here) and we had a 30 minute talk about how it's time for him to get his head in the game here. He's been deployed two other times, he's been on convoys, and I told him exactly what I thought of him...there is no one I would rather take with me on the road, but I need you to take these classes seriously. Next day it was like a switch flipped for him. And he is acting like the total rockstar I thought he would be.

Last night I had a great conversation with another NCO (another of my guys...we will call him Tattoo) who has been in for 12 years. In those 12 years, no officer has ever taken him under their wing. Why...I have no clue. He's another of the guys who totally "gets" it. So he and I spend hours and hours together talking about leadership and Airmanship and ways to make a difference. And I tell you what, watching him grow over the past 6 weeks has been nothing short of phenomenal.

Rangerboy has this week's lesson spot-on. I don't have anything to prove here. My goal is to absolutely kick ass at the things I'm good at (like leading) and to become proficient at the things I've never seen before. And the point of all of this training is to BE myself. So at the end of this week I finally showed the guys who I really am. And for a few of them, I think that made all the difference.

Leading is never easy, but wow, if I can leave training having an impact on 2 or 3 Airmen, wow, I'll call that success any day of the week.

This week is on the firing range...here...we...go...