Simulated Fratricide

"When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity."
~ John F. Kennedy

My mother sent that quote to me yesterday, and she's absolutely right. Funny how moms are good like that (which is something I can only say now that I am 31 and not 16, but don't tell her that!) Anyway, it turned out to be the perfect prelude to my past two days. Yesterday we learned about hand grenades (and practiced throwing them). Today we learned how to breach and clear a room. And that was indeed a different story for me.

What I love the most about this place is that just when I feel like a total badass, something implodes in my face. Or I royally screw something up. Which honestly is the point of being here…screw it up with paintballs so that when it comes to actual bullets flying, I have a more significant change of getting it right.

Back to clearing rooms. Four man stack…which in Army terms is “butts to nuts.” I included a picture here because it really isn’t as terrible as people make it sound. Just four people up close and personal who breach the door (kick it in) then go storming into the room to make it safe (by shooting the bad guys). The key there is to shoot the bad guys…not the good guys. I’ll get to that in a minute. So we spent a majority of the morning learning how to clear rooms. We then cleared rooms using blank ammunition in our M4s. And then we were promoted to paintballs. And that’s when I came unglued, and I didn’t even know it was happening.

Bottom line is that I shot my own guy…fratricide. That’s really bad, and worse because it’s one of the guys I really like. I think it you would have put me in there about three more times I would have shot every single bad guy and kicked the boys’ butts. But paintball is apparently not my game. I am absolutely not afraid of running into a door with no idea of what’s on the other side. But the key with a paintball gun is that you still have to aim it, preferably at the target you intend to shoot.

I ran in like a champ. I was the number 3 man (third one in). Someone peeped around a corner on me. I shot him. A lot. One of my guys was close and a whole bunch of stray paintballs hit him. Needless to say the moral of the story today is that “ready, aim, fire” is intended in that very order…and that was not the order I used today.

Good and bad. Good because wow, I realized in front of everyone that I have plenty left to learn.  And bad because fratricide is a big deal…even with paintballs. The consolation I got from some of my other guys was “well, ma’am, at least you weren’t afraid to get in the door.” And while yes, that is true, I wasn’t afraid of the door, it is also true that the friendlies on the other side of that door should probably fear me just as much as the bad guys do.

Lots left to learn. About three weeks left to do it. And between now and then I will continue to be thankful that I am going to Afghanistan to run convoys and teach Afghans and not to clear rooms.