23 July 2011

I Walk the Line

It's been a very tough past 24 hours, and any time I say that while I'm here, I always have to think to myself "yes, it's been tough, but it could have been a whole lot worse." It's all about perspective. And sometimes I like to think that by living here, I'm gaining a hint perspective of my own. Other days, that little pipe dream is all but shattered.

I will be the first to admit that I am easily disappointed. I will also be the first to admit that rules and structure are the two things I love most about being in the military. I know, funny coming from me, since rules are usually a starting point from which I can negotiate my way to the answer I want. In my career field, rules are written in pencil so that we can accomodate people's unique needs. I'm in human resources. I like bendy rules in human resources. They make sense. Everyone is different. Bendy rules accommodate unique situations.

But right now I'm out with the Army, in a combat job, advising Afghan Army officers, running convoys, and doing a lot of things that normal people would probably consider dangerous. I'm not very normal, and I think this stuff is relatively dangerous (at  least compared to sitting at a desk). When I'm in a job like this, I appreciate that the basic safety rules are etched in stone and ingrained in my consciousness. At least for me they are. It seems that I'm in the minority there sometimes, because yesterday it felt to me like basic safety rules were scribbled in chalk seconds before a thunderstorm.

Yesterday someone on this base left a loaded weapon unattended in a parking lot for about 30 minutes. And I don't mean locked in a vehicle, I mean laying on the ground in plain sight full of ammunition. Now I get that everyone who works on this base is "screened" so that the "good" guys work here and the "bad" guys can't, but we all know that life just isn't that simple. I'm sure there are people who work here who I wouldn't want to invite over for dinner (and a lot of them are probably in the U.S. military but I digress...) My bottom line: we (military) have a few cardinal rules when dealing with weapons. Keep your muzzle pointed in a safe direction (i.e. not at anything you don't intend to shoot). Keep your finger off the trigger...unless you plan to pull the trigger. And always maintain positive control of your weapon (don't leave it on a truck then drive away and forget about it...especially in a warzone).

And maybe it's that I'm new to this whole "fly to a foreign land and defend freedom" kind of expedition, but from everything the Army has taught me (which has nothing to do with common sense) and everything I know from being somewhat worldly (i.e. common sense application), it is a big damn deal to leave a loaded weapon sitting on the ground anywhere in Afghanistan. Or the U.S. Or frankly, anywhere. But when it happens in Afghanistan, we say "that must have happened because of combat stress" or "that's a great guy who had a bad day" or any other gem that the Excuse Fairy delivered today. Sure, great guys have bad days all the time. But when great guys start making stupid mistakes, I stop calling them great guys and they have to earn that title back in my eyes.

Nothing bad happened yesterday. The gun was still there when said forgetful "great guy" went back to pick it up. Everyone involved tried to cover it up like nothing ever happened, including people who know way better. And what happens to our friend the "great guy" from there I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know. Because as an American Airman, I believe that small mistakes in a combat zone can get people killed. I trained for 10 weeks to be allowed to come out here. And in those 10 weeks, I had to condition myself to be safe and to not put my "Battle Buddies" (the people with whom I serve) in harm's way because of a stupid mistake. There are stupid mistakes (oops, my left boot is on my right foot) and there is just plain stupid (Hey bad guy, here's a gun and some ammunition). Let's not belabor the issue.

Do people make mistakes? Yes. I've made a few (hundred) since I've been here. I'm human. Sometimes that's really annoying...like when I walk the 10 minutes to the truck and remember that my helmet...critical equipment...is in my room and not on my head. Other times it's reassuring...like me thinking "yes, I do need a checklist by my door to make sure I remember everything." I'm learning. Learning mistakes are okay. Though I can't claim perfection, if I were to make a mistake that truly jeopardized the safety of my Battle Buddies...well...I just hope that someone would straighten my act out in short order.

That's the line I'm walking tonight. I keep wondering what I would do were I in command of the unit in which this happened. Would I fry the "good guy" who made the mistake? (That's my natural tendency, which I hate). Would I let the "good guy" simmer on the mistake for a few days and wait for that person to approach me? (That sounds reasonable, but I'm infamously impatient). Would I call my boss to admit what happened...even if that boss would never find out on his or her own? (Yes, I probably would, but I bet I would regret it later).

And that's why I serve. Because in spite of human mistakes (that thankfully did not have dire consequences), I truly believe the military is full of so many people who have chosen to serve their country for such incredible reasons. And in my eyes, a "bad" day serving (in Afghanistan or anywhere else) with these inspiring people beats the heck out of spending my work days doing anything else in the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment